factadmin 12/03/2018

Washington, March 2018

New laws will require all students and teachers¬† at state-run schools to be armed. “It’s clear to us”, said some moron congressman, “…that the only way to stop a madman with a gun – is to ensure that anyone with functional arms who is with 250 feet of a state-run school – is brandishing enough firepower to fell a rhino.”

Students who turn up to school without a suitable firearm will be forced to go and get one out of the lost property bin, and then taunted horribly by their classmates.

No rhino was available for comment.